Penned Hopes

My body shivered, starting with the edges of my ribs and slowly the cold worked its way in towards the sternum, where it shot up into my jaws and started my chattering.

“Cold?” He shot me a wry look, his head tilted to the side.

I stuck my tongue out. “No.”

“Do you want my jacket?”

“I have my own.”

“Really, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” One of his hands began to tug at the sleeve on the other arm, but his eyes remained set on me, as steady as his always patient hands when they reached out to correct one thing or another.

“No,” I insisted, this time taking out any pitiful whine it might have had earlier. “I like things this way.” The cold seemed to dissipate a little, as if my determination made some of it slip off in fear. I felt rather proud of myself. Huzzah, frigid rebels! I have defeated you through sheer willpower! I laughed at the thought and he, although a little surprised, soon started laughing with me.

Our voices rose into the air and spread out across the sky, as if the dark clumps of rainclouds soaked them all up like a sponge. If our laughs were taken up, where did they go afterward? Did they slip into raindrops that fell back down on the earth? Somewhere under this vast, vast sky, did someone dance in his laughter? Did someone cry in mine? If they shouted or whispered, did their sorrow lift into the air and disperse as well? I lifted my head so the little droplets that had previously only grazed my nose began to touch me, more wholly, more truly. My glasses were getting blurry, so I pulled them off and stuck them into my jacket pocket, and closed my eyes this time.

I felt his gaze on me as he noticed my silence. Something moved between us and it took me a moment to realize that his silence was pressing into mine and so I let it happen, until we shared a…something, an indistinct and hazy something, that filled the gap between us.

The park was empty, except for a few boys skateboarding in the rain and stragglers here and their moving their way through the plaza. Everyone else in the group had gone into the coffee shop, to order a mocha this or chai latte that. We had both promised to join everyone else soon and I knew that in a few moments he would stand up and corral us both in that direction, but for now he only sat next to me under this steady pattering.

When it came time to go in, he stood up and looked at me. I wiped my glasses quickly and put them back on, my eyes readjusting to this grey half-light. He still had that teasing look, but somehow it had softened.

“Did you hear anything?” I asked. “I think raindrops carry secret messages.”

His dark brown eyes never left mine, quickly shifting from steady to a little jumpy, the sort when he made fun of me or the when he was nervous because words slipped out his mouth before he could stop them. “Really?”

When I nodded, he only said with a half-smile, “I hope you heard something important then.” As I stood up, in the space of one blink to another, I felt his hand brush my arm. Before long, he was ahead of me, his broad back growing smaller and smaller. I realized our shared silence was growing thinner by the moment and that neither of us were to blame. With this, I ran towards him, calling out his name with a smile. “It’s laughing!” I said. “The sky’s laughing at how weird we are!”