[2011] As Far As We Could

Treading every edge
my eyes manage to find,
I push for unsteadiness
just to see if I can
bring it back into balance–
I am a Libra after all.

Maybe this time though,
I’ve gone a bit too far,
whispers ebbing out
the wax in the scars,
melting my strength
because I have hurt you.

I am sorry
that I have not the skill
nor the strength to mend
these fairy wings I broke.
Take yet another letter,
take just one more poem.

This hurts, this hurts
to acknowledge the small,
simple truth I always knew:
we have walked together
as far as we could.
From here, I alone step
onto the curb, and run.

[2010] Talking to a Dead Guy

I.
The sky offers nothing and yet gives all the love a mother could.
Or all the hate, or all the pain, or all the fear.
But mostly it gives love, day by precious day.
I look up and embrace the silence with arms outstretched.
I think I can hear you telling me something,
that details are obstructions
when we grow blind to the greater light
hiding from us in the shadows.

II.
There is a difference in what comes out of your mouth and what goes in it.
Likewise, there should be some diversity between what goes into your soul and what comes out.
Wisdom and knowledge are not one and the same.
They can make one; yet they are never quite the same.

III.
I take the bristling of my pores as they cry against the heat of the autumn sun,
like how leaves must weep at all the love the rays give, how they can only take so much
before they start to hurt, and die.

IV.
What would I “trill” for democracy?
Honestly…how great, exactly, is this democracy?
Is she the perfect girlfriend?
Never going to leave us in the dust,
never going to die and leave us to fend for ourselves,
right, right, right, right, right?

[2010] Letter to My Past

Dear –

No, that isn’t right. You’re not dear to me. You’re not even a deer. You…I don’t know how to describe what you are. What you are, not who, forget even the inkling of the possibility that you might still be human. I know what I am though. Again, what, not who, for you and I have fallen low. We no longer host souls in these drooping frames. My thoughts are confined, as wide and spacious as the cage may be, to center back to that time. To you. Every day, at least once, I must return to it, as if I could not survive without it. It is almost like I am in love with what happened, in love with you.

You, who split me. You, whom I once deigned to share a smile with. I hope you think of me as I think of you. I hope the teeth I once used to grin at you just sink into your dying hours, into bone and second and marrow and afterlife. I do not forgive you. I will never forgive you. I will never forgive myself. Take that to console yourself, at least. Then drive a pen into your throat.

Regards,
The Present

 

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